Staying calm, cool, and collected is not always the easiest feat when raising kids. If you’ve ever felt like screaming and ripping your hair out, you’re not alone. But science proves that keeping it together is worth it. A new study has shown that harsh parenting, particularly during the preschool years, can have widespread effects on a child’s brain.

The University of Michigan study, published in JAMA Pediatrics, looked into whether there are certain “sensitive periods” of parenting during childhood, which could affect brain development during adolescence, and consequently, adult mental health.

“Understanding these sensitive periods can inform more effective policy and intervention strategies,” said study author Luke Hyde, a University of Michigan professor of psychology and faculty associate at the Institute for Social Research.

The study used data from the Future of Families and Child Well-Being Study, which followed youths from low-income families in Detroit, Michigan, over a 21-year period from 1998 to 2021. The researchers sampled 173 participants.

Parents participating in the initial study reported harsh behaviors — psychological and physical aggression — while observers reported warm behavior — responsiveness — toward children at ages 3, 5, and 9. At 15, the same children underwent neuroimaging. And when the COVID-19 pandemic hit when the participants reached age 21, they self-reported their symptoms of anxiety and depression.

The researchers found that harsh parenting during the preschool years negatively impacted overall brain organization. Harshness during the middle school years had a more specific affect on prefrontal cortex-amygdala connectivity, which helps the brain regulate and process emotion.

Warm parenting during middle school years, however, positively impacted the development of the amygdala and prefrontal cortex. It was also associated with reduced anxiety and depression during the pandemic (a famously anxiety-inducing and depressing time).

Essentially, the researchers determined that harsh parenting for preschool-aged kids has an overall negative impact on the brain, and harsh parenting for older kids has a more targeted negative impact. Warm parenting at that age has a targeted positive effect — and they have already observed it benefit the participant’s mental health during a difficult time!

“Because these experiences seemed to affect later risk for depression and anxiety, this research highlights periods of vulnerability and opportunity for treatments and policy to promote healthy, long-term development,” said Cleanthis Michael, a University of Michigan graduate student, and one of the authors of the study. “Interventions for parents, and policies that support parents, may have more profound impacts earlier in life.”

The takeaway? Your parenting style literally can change your kid’s brain — and warm parenting can change it for the better. Your hard work is worth it. And we know it’s hard.